A Please for Help!

I have written an electric mail to the Pope. The Pope, if you do not know, is the son of Jesus. He can do a crusade against Luxembourg! This is the letter I sent to him asking for help:

Hello, Pope:

My name is Joseph Papparelli, of www.papparelli.com fame. I would like to ask for a personal favor. I heard about these Crusades of the past to stamp out evil and stuff (I hear there was a Children’s Crusade, which is great because everyone wants to save children). I think it’s been almost 60 years since the last one so it is time to make one against Luxembourg. We need to give Luxembourgians the Crusading of a lifetime.

Luxembourgians are just nasty. They beat babies and have a baby-kicking festival. I hear that one of the other Popes was even forced, under pain of pinching, to attend one of these festivals of darkness and to eat a hot dog in a contest.

I also have new evidence that shows Luxembourgians flush alligators down the toilet when they no longer want them as pets in order to sabotage other nations somehow. How devilish! (Please note the reference to the Devil in that previous sentence.)

Please call a Crusade. Me and MISTER BIFFY will be willing to lead the charge when your knights and catapults and flamethrowers also charge at the same time. Then we can crush this scourge of Luxembourgishness once and for all! I hear that Jesus was your Dad, so really you should think about doing this for helping good.

Thanks,


Joseph Papparelli


P.S. I have designed a new vehicle for you. It has an ejection seat if you are in danger. Please let me know if you want more details.

I would expect he’ll get back to me soon (maybe tomorrow). I will let you know if I have a response soon. In the meantime, I shall continue to plot. I have drawn up some attack plans and everything!

Also, I have new merchandise in the Café Press place. You can now get 2007 mugs and stuff for the baby kicking festival. The other stuff will be updated when I have time. Do your part. Let people know how Luxembourg needs to be punished. Raise awareness and stuff. Okay? Okay? Okay.

Joseph Papparelli