Papparelli's Bloog Against Luxembourg

I am still alive

2010-12-19T02:26:00.004-07:00

Wow, so it turns out it has about two years (earth years, in metric time) since I last blooged. Funny how time flies.

I tried to bloog at first because it was something that was typical and that you're supposed to do, I suppose. I may even try to bloog more often. Why? Because the EIGHT PEOPLE who keep coming back to this site to see if I updated it demand it (seriously, there are 8 IPs that constantly show up, numerous times per day, on both the bloog and the site) as well as numerous new ones. Do I have stalkers? PLEASE?!) And my spam-bots are lonely!

There are two things I will be doing:

1) I am doing a major re-design of the Whale-Sex® site. I am about half done. It will actually look like it was not made in 1999-era HTML. Which it was. You know some guy made a dolphin sex site about 2 years after mine, and it actually became popular? The new site will include all the old information, as well as some new stuff. I'm a little out of practice, so I will need a new pelvic harness before I get back into it. Safety first!!

2) I sometimes post things on Twitter and I am as good at keeping that up to date as I am at updating my site. I signed up the account pretty much right when Twitter launched but I almost never used it. I was working on collecting spam-bots (I had almost 30 at one point!) but they have all since been deleted. It's actually a fun game. You make tweets with words that spam-bots latch on to and they start following you. Then you post a bunch of weird stuff and they explode. Good times!

The first 50 (real) people to follow me on Twitter get a free admission ticket to heaven (redeemable on death), as well as a guaranteed seat on the provisional government's cabinet once I overthrow those loopy bastards in Luxembourg. Oh, yes, I am still onto them. I watch. I wait.

Also, in case anyone actually cares, I have a couple new things I may add to the papparelli.com web site. I pay money for it; I should use it. Some of the stuff is not good. Some of it will make your colon scream. All of it is nutritious.

Here are some random keywords for spam-bots to find the bloog, seeing as how the last (old) old post was fellated by their mealy, disgusting virtual mouths a whopping 21 times: money, I am gullible, I want cheap knockoff crap, I will buy anything. Eat that spam-bots! You will grow up big and strong!

Maybe a new web site

2008-02-26T21:21:00.000-07:00

I think I may make a new web site. It will be very excellent. Perhaps it will change the world.

Soon, my pets. Soon.

I hate Michael Bay

2007-07-24T15:55:00.000-06:00

I saw a move called Transformers last weekend. It was stupid.

It was made by a guy called Michael Bay. He is an idiot and I hate him. The movie sucked for the following reasons:

1) It was totally fake. I do not think there are giant robots that turn into cars. I have never seen one or even read on the news about one. FAKE.

2) Continuity. There was a city that has a name I have never heard. Some action takes place there. That is impossible.

3) Army base at the Hoover dam. This is really stupid. The Hoover dam was built to hold up water, as any Ph.D. in History can tell you. Not to stop giant robots. See #1.

4) Nobody gets squished. Even despite #1 and #2 above, when the giant robots fight in a big city, there are people all over the place, robots are hopping and bopping about and falling over everywhere and buildings are collapsing. Not one person got squished. That's impossible. I paid good money to see people get squished by giant robots.

This is the stupidest documentary ever and I say, here and now, on the internets, in front of everyone, under pain of libel and perjury, that I think Michael Bay is a liar, a fraud and a goon for making this movie and claiming it is real.

I hope you are eaten by penguins, you hack.

I am now on the facebook.

2007-05-09T13:28:00.000-06:00

You can see me on the new facebook. You can just go to and search for me and ask for me to be your friend if you want to. That way we can hang out and cook hot-dogs and chat with each other like old buddies.

This way we can build a network of agents to finally achieve our glorious goal(s)!!!

MUAHAHAHA!!!

I am going on a secret mission.

2007-04-13T23:14:00.000-06:00

I am going on a secret mission tomorrow. I won't say if it's Luxembourg I'm going to, but it will be dangerous and adventurous. Perhaps it will involve countries that are small and full of crap; perhaps not.

I will let you know details soon and hopefully capture a sea cucumber.

I am stopping eating dog food immediately.

2007-04-04T12:41:00.000-06:00

I heard on the news that there is some dog food on the shelves that can make you sick. I am going to stop eating it immediately as there may be a health risk.

I'm not sure what this has to do with Luxembourg, but I thought it was important.

Weird searches

2007-03-27T13:47:00.000-06:00

Many people go to the web site. Many get there by going through links and such. Some make disturbing entries into search engines.

Examples of searches:

"Sex Connoisseur"
"Wonderful Sex"
"Big fat whale woman sex"
"Why is Papparelli such a dashing heap of wonderful manliness?"
"Invade Luxembourg"
"How to kick a baby in a contest"

These are the ones I remember off-hand. There are disturbed people about. Please do not search for scary things and then come to my sites. They are not what you think.

A hate mail?

2006-12-14T08:39:00.000-07:00

This guy sent me an electric mail. He probably doesn’t want his name used, so let’s call him J.J.

Hey Paparelli,

Why don’t you get a fuc*ing life you stoopid looser. Your probably some f*uckin American a**wipe who is mad cuz your country is getting it’s a*s kicked in Iraq. Fu*k you! Luxembourg is a great country to live in, it is clean and the people are nice unlike you stoopid assw*pe Americans. *uck you!

J.J.

I think it is a hate mail. I changed the words *uck, f*ck and fu*k because they appear to be some prank swearing.

I can’t read Luxembourgian, so can anyone translate this for me?

Joseph

Neat

2006-12-08T16:59:00.000-07:00

Hey this is a graph representation of my web site. I think this is neat because it looks cool and even made MISTER BIFFY cry just a bit.

Here is the War on Luxembourg one:

http://www.aharef.info/static/htmlgraph/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fpapparelli.com%2Fwar%2F

And here is the Whale-Sex® one:

http://www.aharef.info/static/htmlgraph/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fpapparelli.com%2Fwwws%2F

I would put up the one for this Bloog too but it made my eyes bleed a little.

It is a good invention by the guy that made that site over there. Good job, guy.

Joseph Papparelli

Horrible revelations!!

2006-12-04T01:12:00.000-07:00

Shocking information has been recieved from the long line of ultra-super secret agents lurking in the dank hellhole known as Luxembourg.

I recieved this electric mail from a guy who read the entire war on Luxembourg site a while back (writing it was hard enough, I can't imagine reading it all!). I finally saw that I could click on that link and get information. So I did and was horrified.

I have to say that your site is pure genius. I have just moved to Luxembourg and would welcome any liberation attempt. I may even be able to provide you with some nuts, having recently attended the Vianden nut festival in the north of the country.
http://www.tourist-info-vianden.lu/manifestations/nssmoort2005/53387596e512ad101.html

I looked at the site and three pictures jumped out at me. First, here are the pictures I am speaking of:

Take a moment. Think about this. What is happening here? Again... think. The answer is sick... and obvious. If you did not see it right away, do not slap yourself. It is diabolocal.

After taking my advice and thinking about it, I'm sure you can all reach the obvious conclusion: This man - a Luxembourgian government agent (Wink, wink!) intends to use the nuts pictured to forcefully choke this child to death!

They call this a "nut festival"? It's sick!! Kicking babies was not enough for them? They have to choke young children to death with nuts?! My mind was filled with horrifying images of children being held down and having their gullets stuffed to the breaking point by maniacally cackling, jolly, fat, criminally insane nut-men. While nuts are delicious and nutritious, society must draw the line somewhere! I was so shocked I almost choked on a battery (a Duracell).

Thank you, humble sender of this electric mail. You need not give me nuts. You have given me something far more valuable than nuts: the gift of knowledge.

Please, I implore you. Sign my petition. If you see someone (anywhere) trying to choke an infant with nuts, say something. And write the U.N. or something. They have stopped accepting my electric mails.

Joseph Papparelli

Random quote from me

2006-12-01T09:02:00.000-07:00

"War with Luxembourg is the only alternative to putting up with their shenanigans" - Joseph Papparelli

So there!

A Please for Help!

2006-11-29T10:54:00.000-07:00

I have written an electric mail to the Pope. The Pope, if you do not know, is the son of Jesus. He can do a crusade against Luxembourg! This is the letter I sent to him asking for help:

Hello, Pope:

My name is Joseph Papparelli, of www.papparelli.com fame. I would like to ask for a personal favor. I heard about these Crusades of the past to stamp out evil and stuff (I hear there was a Children’s Crusade, which is great because everyone wants to save children). I think it’s been almost 60 years since the last one so it is time to make one against Luxembourg. We need to give Luxembourgians the Crusading of a lifetime.

Luxembourgians are just nasty. They beat babies and have a baby-kicking festival. I hear that one of the other Popes was even forced, under pain of pinching, to attend one of these festivals of darkness and to eat a hot dog in a contest.

I also have new evidence that shows Luxembourgians flush alligators down the toilet when they no longer want them as pets in order to sabotage other nations somehow. How devilish! (Please note the reference to the Devil in that previous sentence.)

Please call a Crusade. Me and MISTER BIFFY will be willing to lead the charge when your knights and catapults and flamethrowers also charge at the same time. Then we can crush this scourge of Luxembourgishness once and for all! I hear that Jesus was your Dad, so really you should think about doing this for helping good.

Thanks,

Joseph Papparelli

P.S. I have designed a new vehicle for you. It has an ejection seat if you are in danger. Please let me know if you want more details.

I would expect he’ll get back to me soon (maybe tomorrow). I will let you know if I have a response soon. In the meantime, I shall continue to plot. I have drawn up some attack plans and everything!

Also, I have new merchandise in the Café Press place. You can now get 2007 mugs and stuff for the baby kicking festival. The other stuff will be updated when I have time. Do your part. Let people know how Luxembourg needs to be punished. Raise awareness and stuff. Okay? Okay? Okay.

Joseph Papparelli

All linked up

2006-11-25T00:21:00.000-07:00

The web site is now linked to the bloog. The bloog is linked to the web site. I hope all is well with you. More later.

This is the new Papparelli Bloog

2006-11-24T14:56:00.000-07:00

This is a blog for my communication to you. If you do not know, my name is Joseph Papparelli and I want to go to war with Luxembourg. They are small and full of crap. They engage in human rights abuses, which is total crap.

I am making this bloog for you, my faithful followers. A lot of Luxembourgians hate me now. It is good because it will prepare me for the ipcoming invasion. I also made this bloog because I had an electric mail from a guy who called himself "Stankey":

Hey dood! I think your site rawks!! How come you don't have a blog? I think you should keep us updated with the invasion plans! How bout it?!

I sent him an electric mail back making him bad for poor wording and grammar. I also asked what a bloog is. I have been busy looking at a map of Luxembourg for the past 2 years (It is farther from Canada than I thought. I will need to take a plane or a boat. There is an ocean in the way.) So I did not know what a bloog is. He explained:

Hey Joseph,
A blog is a sort of electronic diary. People update their blogs regularly and keep their readers informed. I just noticed that you haven't updated your web site for over 2 years, man! Check out blogger.com for more information. Cheers!

So I looked at the site and it looks like a lot of people who have too much time on their hands telling people a bunch of crap. And that is why I joined.

So I will detail my plans here. I will keep you updated on the evil, evil plans of Luxembourg. And also about Whale-Sex®. Ahhh, yes. The Whale-Sex®.

- Joseph Papparelli